Snapshot of Disease

“I wish I had better news.”

The weight of the doctor’s words sinks in, and the elderly man braces himself to hear confirmation for what he fears but already knows.

“Your wife has what is known as Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease — it’s an incurable and ultimately fatal disease.”

The elderly man’s hands, initially tense and tremulous, become soft and steady as he reaches down to hold his wife’s hands. He buries her hands in his, intertwines their fingers and digits, and lets her know, one more time, that he loves her.

Today was a sad day.

An hour before I saw the patient, I thought I was so lucky to be able to see such a rare, exciting disease.  Up till now, medicine has been a purely academic endeavor for me, and I think I’ve hidden behind the scientific aspects of it.  Presentation, pathophysiology, lists of symptoms… all of them, tools to help reinforce a bloodless, hypothetical situation.  I feel almost guilty that I took pleasure in learning about this disease by charting its presentation and outcome via firsthand observation.  And though it’s irrational, I still can’t shake the comparison between myself and Dr. Mengele.

My other patient was diagnosed with ALS.

Today was a sad day.

I know in a few hours, I’ll be too engrossed in the details of neuroanatomy and the pathophys of yet another “interesting” disease to feel bad, but for right now I just want to feel crappy and ruminate on the gravity of what this day has meant for those two families.

Today was a sad day.