I think I’m using up my second chance. I need to tone it down with her before I screw it up (again).

This is kind of like that episode of Seinfield — when George figures out that as long as he does the opposite of what he thinks is right, he’ll actually be right. As much as I want to be around her, I absolutely should not be around her right now… instead, I need to make sure that the time I do get to spend with her impacts her in some amazing way (I need to dazzle and amaze).

I get so excited when I’m next to her; it’s really quite debilitating. Whenever I see her sitting by herself, I want so badly to go sit with her, even though I know she sits by herself for a reason… Anyway, this is ultimately about respecting boundaries — I need to respect her and give her her space. And even though it goes against everything I want, I have to do it.

(Believe me, if I were given the okay, I’d do some unbelievably romantic things — the stuff of legends kind of romantic).

(WARNING: The stuff below makes me sound absolutely crazy. As the one writing this, I know exactly how crazy I sound).

I keep having this recurring dream about her — it’s nothing bad (we aren’t doing anything in my dream) — but it’s a very strange dream that’s been coming to me, every night, for the past week-and-a-half.

In my dream, it’s completely dark, I’m in bed, and there’s a woman lying next to me — Her.

As I said before, it’s completely dark, so I can’t really see the woman’s face — I can only make out shapes and possibly the woman’s hair color — but for some reason, I know it’s Her.

The air is cold inside the room, so I plunge deeper into the covers. I feel Her next to me and She feels so warm. I pull closer to her, so close that I can smell her hair. It smells like flowers — lilacs; all perfect and vibrant. For a few moments, all I can do is watch Her — watch as she breathes in and out. The sound of her breaths is soothing, so soothing that it almost puts me to sleep… I raise my head up slightly and whisper in her ear: “(Girl of my dreams), are you awake?”

She doesn’t respond, she barely even stirs.

I whisper to her: “I love you; I’ve never loved anyone or anything as deeply as I love you — as long as I live, I will make you happy. I will love, honor, cherish and adore you for the rest of my life.”

I hug her, brush away a few loose strands of her hair, and then kiss the back of her neck.

Then I wake up.

Believe me, I know how crazy that makes me sound, but I can’t shake this dream… I’ve been reliving it (over and over again) for the past 10 days.

And what makes it even weirder is the fact that I remember the dream in so much detail. Normally, I forget my dreams immediately after I wake up, but this one lingers… has lingered… and every time I dream it, I remember more details of the dream. It’s really quite freaky.

I’ve never had a dream like this before. I’ve never had a dream filled with dialogue and smell and temperature sensation.

It’s the craziest, most vivid dream I’ve ever had… but it’s an amazing dream — it’s like being wrapped in a blanket of pure joy. I’ve never felt anything like that before.

Also, you can relax, I’m not going to become a stalker.

It was a cool dream — the best dream — but it was still just a dream.

A really crazy dream.