Hey all, I haven’t updated in about a month. Not much has happened since then, mostly just tests and other random junk, but this past Monday my frat had their Thanksgiving dinner.

It was okay, I guess. Most of my fratmates are okay, but there is one guy who is kind of duplicitous. Whenever I talk with him one-on-one, he’s seems nice… but after a few beers, or whenever more of our fratmates are around, he starts spouting some pretty racist sh*t.

It’s pretty sad actually. I used to think he was joking (which I still think is an effing stupid topic to joke about), but I’m beginning to see that he’s actually just a bigot. He’s always calling black people the n-word and using every stereotype you can think of in his jokes. He makes fun of me because I’m Chinese (interestingly enough, he thinks “[my] people” attacked Pearl Harbor… whatever, racists don’t need to make sense, they need only find someone different to hate). And he makes really stupid-a$$ misogynistic comments.

My fratmates all brought dates to this dinner, and so, as not to be the only person going stag, I asked one of my friends to come with me. Anyway, since my fratmates kept billing this as a classy event, where everyone would be on their best behavior, I thought it’d be safe to bring my friend Jill.

Fast forward to the night in question and nope, I was wrong. It turns out the whole dinner was an excuse to get dressed and liquored up. I’m so sick of this sh*t sometimes. I’m just glad I got Jill out of there before they turned overtly rambunctious. Geez, it was a close call though, the more drunk the racist dude gets, the more of a judgmental a-hole he becomes.

Anyway, Jill and I chilled in my room for about an hour-and-a-half and talked about books, movies, shows, etc. It was nice. She’s really cool. Truthfully, I’m going crazy.

I was never really attracted to Jill before that night; don’t get me wrong, she’s a beautiful woman, but I don’t know, for some odd reason I never put two and two together — Holy crap, she’s a BEAUTIFUL woman. She always sat next to me in PBL and now I wish I had gotten to know her better.

Anyway, after we finished talking about stuff, I walked her back to her car and we called it a night… but when I returned to my frat house, my fratmates were pretty d*mn crass about the whole thing. “Dude, did you stick it in her?” and “Did you put it in her?” were the two predominant questions directed toward me. Geez, how frikkin’ crass can you be?

Man, I’m frikkin’ glad I got her out of there, otherwise she would have been subjected to their drunken, perverted stupidity. God Almighty, I’m even more glad she wasn’t around to hear the racist guy — he was the worst. Jill is pretty smart, and after my fratmates found out, they started making snide comments about her. The Racist guy was like, “I don’t like girls with big brains… I want a girl whose brains have melted into her boobs.”

I wanted to punch him when he said that sh*t.

God, I don’t even know what’s going on with me. I’ve spent more time with Jill since then, and the more time I spend with her, the more I start liking her. It’s messed up. I’m not liking this situation much either, because I’m fairly sure my feelings aren’t reciprocated. As I said, she’s a gorgeous girl, who happens to be smart, funny, and nice… that combination tends to attract a lot of guys, so I’m fairly sure I’m just one of a great many enamored with her.

It’s so annoying, because I really think this is affecting me adversely. I’m thinking about her way more than I should… I’m incredibly thankful Thanksgiving break is here because I can use this time to start studying again and detox from her. I’m like a drug addict, fiending for one more moment with her.

God, I need to get back to my old self, I need to deaden myself to everything and stop getting distracted, cuz seriously, this constant concern over what she thinks of me, will she hang out with me, did I say something stupid, what is she doing right now, etc. is killing me. This feeling blows, especially since I have no idea what she thinks of me. She’s a puzzling conundrum; one that is too hard to solve… and yet too intriguing to quit.

God, I’m a mess. I’m half-hoping she’ll call me so we can go see a movie before she or I skip town. I’ve entered complete freak-mode. Whatever. I’ve got to chill OUT.

Dang, I need to finish reading this paper… God, I’m too distracted.

Just Kidding guys. Don’t read into this. I’m just messing around… but not about the Racist dude — that dude is seriously racist.