When I was first accepted into medical school, I promised myself that I would write about how I felt. I never got around to it in my old blog, so I guess I should blog a dedicated piece about it here. Anyway, in this entry I’ll try to encapsulate exactly what I was feeling at the moment I knew I was going to be a doctor. (WARNING: The following is extremely crass.)

Unnngh. Unnngh Unnnnnnnnngh! (Air hump). H*ll yeah. I feel f*cking great, the sense of relief and release is in…credible. I feel like that guy at the end of every porno film ever made…

“Oh yeah baby, oh yeah… Oh my God… baby, I’m gonna cum!… here it comes!… (jerks off for another 5 minutes)… Okay, I mean it this time… ah… ah … ah (wait for it)…. AAAAAHHHH AHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! Oh yeah.”

While I’m on the subject, why do the guys in these movies always scream at the end? It sounds horribly painful, like somebody’s chopping their dicks off.

I remember I was 14 or 15 years old when I saw my first porno film. It scared the sh*t out of me. I was like, “Holy CRAP! Why is he screaming?! Oh my God, is he having a seizure?!!!” And for many years after watching that, I thought in order to reach climax, you had to bellow at the top of your lungs.

Now I’m kind of glad I’ve never had sex with anyone before, because holy sh*t, can you imagine that (please do)?

“Okay, ummm… alright, I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to be doing, but I think it’ll go better if I do this… AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! THAT FEELS SO GOOD BABY!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Man, I’m so glad I watched that movie before coming over tonight. This trick is GOLD!… Did it do it for you too?”

Also, why do the guys in these things always sound so surprised when they’re about to cum? They pause for so long between words — it sounds like they’re asking a question… “Oh my God, baby… I’m gonna… I’m gonna… cum?”

Anyway, sorry for the pervy post. I know I sound sick for mentioning all of this (you are probably thinking: “D@mn, what kinds of diseases does this guy have?”), but I felt the analogy of achieving orgasm described what being accepted to medical school was like better than anything else. What can I say, I have a lazy (pervy) mind. jk.